Attention + Allowance
+ tricky, tricky expectations...
Reframing the need to always “do” to mark initiation,
and really wanting to meet the new year with “allowance”.
Allowing myself to rest in meeting the slowness I feel in my body.
The over-saturation I feel in my mind. The tenderness in my heart.
Creating space for this allowance to lead my attention…
Questioning how often expectation actually shows up to shape where my attention goes.
Expectation isn’t always loud or obvious.
It doesn’t always feel like pressure or ambition.
Sometimes it shows itself in what I am waiting to happen,
the impatience for change.
“I’ll feel better when x,y,z happens….”
“…Things will settle once x,y,z arrives.”
Before I realize it, my attention isn’t with what’s unfolding now.
It’s fixed on a future moment I believe will make everything feel okay.
Expectation can become a thief.
Not because it’s wrong to want things. It is absolutely natural to have expectations. It becomes a thief, because there is a need that isn’t getting met.
It can carry a sense of urgency that isn’t actually necessary.
It can subtly set me up for needing outcomes to be a certain way to be all right in my skin and in the world, which can be tricky landscape as I do not control the planets spinning, or my heart beating.
Seeing how when I get into predicting outcomes,
my need to micromanage comes in.
When the urgency takes over, my curiosity fades.
Attention can turn to an obsession, my presence thins
and life starts to feel like something I’m trying to get through
instead of actually living it.
Calling back to curiosity offers me a different way in.
Not necessarily in the form of fascination or wonder,
But as an agent to create space or distance.
A kind of gentle detachment that carves out a generous berth
between me and the story I’m telling myself.
If something is truly meant for me, no amount of control
or obsession will force it into being any faster or easier
than it will naturally unfold.
And perhaps, by inviting in that release,
I could be a little more rested and ready for when it does turn.
As the new year begins, this week’s inquiry:
Where does your attention go when nothing is demanding it?
When urgency softens, when there’s no task to complete or role to perform,
What patterns emerge?
As some thoughts pass quickly.
Others linger, looping and repeating, quietly shaping our mood and presence.
As somethings call interest, may just not be on our personal radar,
for one reason or another.
It is curious what we PAY attention to…
as if our interest is a commodity,
asking myself, am I wisely investing my energy?
Do I like the return I am getting from this investment?
Until soon….
See you at the next threshold,
Kirstin
